it is because whenever u let go of something or give up on something then things starts coming back to you?rmbing how hard i try to talk to you or start a conversation with you, yet now,everything flows right into place, how ironic life is. when u care so much for someone yet they give a shit about you, then when u finally give up caring for them, they come back, care for you, and make u go through the same things u dont want to go through again, lots of incident made me lose trust for ppl and know the meaning of "nothing lasts forever" nothing will. its just a matter of time i guess, no matter how hard i try sometimes things just go out of way, then when u really wash your hands out, they come back,then i get back the same shit if i start to care again, when they said forever, they meant nothing, it all just lies lies lies and more lies.
i hate to disappoint myself over and over again, i dont know what ur thinking and i dont wanna know anymore. sometimes i thought to myself, so what if i tell u everything and all the feelings i have inside, will it change a thing?probably not. and even after telling you, does tt mean that u will act the way i want u to?i think u will either act as normal again, or start distancing . and worst to worst lose you as a friend. im happy with how things are right now, yet at the same time im afraid that they will be gone in no time, and i know myself, this time i preparing for the worst, so that when time comes, i will feel okay.i guess this is what happens when u pin hopes on things that disappoints you.i just wanna help you that are within my means and i sincerly want you to be happy, u being happy can even mean hurting myself, but i dont mind at all, i really want u to be happy. from the bottom of my heart, being happy also means im not part of you happiness.

everything seems like better than before, i dont know why but i just feel u seem to care more now, i dont wanna trust too much because i dont wanna get hurt again, i dont wanna care as much as before, and i think sometimes are better left unsaid, cause what is running through my mind is absolutely not what you are thinking about, like what im thinking is all just dreams,and i gotta wake up.i may appear like i dont seem to care much anymore, but deep down, i do and wanna care for you.i dont wanna see u upset or getting hurt, i just want u to be happy, happy can also be me not being a part of your life.