im happy that you are happy, im glad things worked out great for you.although sometimes i still think of you and the past, there's nothing i can do except to slowly let go, because right from the start you dont belong to me, we were just there for each other.
although i hate to see or know the true, i gotta accept because all these are nothing but truths.

Letting go of someone u love is like putting ur favorite things into donation box; u'll miss it, but u know someone deserves it more.
i'll rmb this.
you seem cold to me whenever we dont see each other and when we see each other, the coldness is gone, its really a terrible feeling. i hate this shit and it has been going for quite awhile.
im tired and i will give up slowly starting from now.
i know mayb i was thinking too much, but i cant help it either.
please spare me. i go to bed thinking of the problems or conclusions to why all these happen.
but i know no matter how much i think, the past is gone and you too, are gone.
im sad but im learning to acccept it.

it is because whenever u let go of something or give up on something then things starts coming back to you?rmbing how hard i try to talk to you or start a conversation with you, yet now,everything flows right into place, how ironic life is. when u care so much for someone yet they give a shit about you, then when u finally give up caring for them, they come back, care for you, and make u go through the same things u dont want to go through again, lots of incident made me lose trust for ppl and know the meaning of "nothing lasts forever" nothing will. its just a matter of time i guess, no matter how hard i try sometimes things just go out of way, then when u really wash your hands out, they come back,then i get back the same shit if i start to care again, when they said forever, they meant nothing, it all just lies lies lies and more lies.
i hate to disappoint myself over and over again, i dont know what ur thinking and i dont wanna know anymore. sometimes i thought to myself, so what if i tell u everything and all the feelings i have inside, will it change a thing?probably not. and even after telling you, does tt mean that u will act the way i want u to?i think u will either act as normal again, or start distancing . and worst to worst lose you as a friend. im happy with how things are right now, yet at the same time im afraid that they will be gone in no time, and i know myself, this time i preparing for the worst, so that when time comes, i will feel okay.i guess this is what happens when u pin hopes on things that disappoints you.i just wanna help you that are within my means and i sincerly want you to be happy, u being happy can even mean hurting myself, but i dont mind at all, i really want u to be happy. from the bottom of my heart, being happy also means im not part of you happiness.

everything seems like better than before, i dont know why but i just feel u seem to care more now, i dont wanna trust too much because i dont wanna get hurt again, i dont wanna care as much as before, and i think sometimes are better left unsaid, cause what is running through my mind is absolutely not what you are thinking about, like what im thinking is all just dreams,and i gotta wake up.i may appear like i dont seem to care much anymore, but deep down, i do and wanna care for you.i dont wanna see u upset or getting hurt, i just want u to be happy, happy can also be me not being a part of your life.

im still healing, dont make things fall out of place again, i trying hard to be happy and move on, pls dont destroy my efforts by making me fall into places, then leaving me a whole big shit of mess again.im tired of clearing the mess, pls just let me be, just let things flow.
whenever i do something which has got to do with you, i think twice before acting because im tired of getting back all those shit again.
why is it that when i've given up on something, things starts happening again and again, then when i reciprocate i get back those hurt, no, ten times more hurt,it seems like a cycle which keeps coming back to me.
take it that im begging you, please spare me,spare my life.
when i think of the smiles you gave and those conversations you started, my heart is trying to take a step back to get to a clearer picture before responding to it, i've learnt to be quiet and just let things be on its own, im tired of trying too hard.
i hope you understand why im acting this way, because im tired of getting hurt and thinking about it all day.
im starting to get use to times without you because i know its a matter of time you'll be gone, and i think the time is soon.

its hurts losing someone who used to be so close to you, the pain cannot be explained or told till u really experience it, i thought i would be strong enough to overcome all this shit but i was wrong about myself, i cannot and its hurting so much.
life is ironic, when you have something, although u treasure or didnt treasure,eventually you will still lose it. like seasons change,so do people.
i guess it hurts so much because i nvr expected things to turn out this way, i thought i found something which meant forever,but now forever is broken.
the only thing i know now is that we talk so much lesser than last time, i dont expect anything in return, i only want a friendship, a long lasting one. but i doubt things can ever go back as last time, mayb things i do now mayb an irritant to you, i accept it cause i cant change the way you are thinking, or mayb you heard some stuff about me thats why u decided to distant me, whatever the reason it, i nvr regretted having you as my friend.
i admit im weak, i always cry when i lose something.
right now im lost, and i dont know what to do nxt.
and this shit has been going on for months, i dont know how much longer i can hold on to it.
and i guess im prepared losing you anytime from now.

sometimes i think the best thing to do is to keep everything to myself, although i'll suffocate myself but i think its better this way.whatever that happens in the past, it feels like a dream,time to wake up,g. things cannot be the same as the past, pick yourself up and move on.its better to trust and count on myself.
i miss you, best friend.

been neglecting my cliques and vb teammates so much now.
everyone is so busy with their own lives and im getting lazier and lazier each day.
everyone is working or studying everyday while im just home..slacking.
i feel so bored not working and i seriously miss working in RH.

and get ur effing facts right.i choose to work there because i really enjoy working with the kids and NOT to go there to play with the staffs.and excuse me,so what if the staff and i are close?its cause we all are at around the same age..too bad u are way off from our age.enough okay.enough about bitching about us alright,i didnt do ANYTHING FUCKING THING TO U.pls just get ur facts right.all of us know whos the one slacking and not doing HER job well enough.we all know,but we kept quiet because u are our senior.and U as a senior didn't even SET good example to us,what makes u think that u are right?so what if u are the senior teacher,u think u have the PRIVILEGE to slack,bitch and boss us around?oh please,please look into the mirror seriously.wtf man seriously.

i rather be jobless than let anyone malign me for things which i DIDN'T do.

i miss school.
i miss having trainings and vb outing tgt.
i miss going to the beach with vb cliques.
i miss everyone who use to be around me.
i miss RH kids and staff.

The day.

Thanks hazel for the gift,really an unexpected one!
Elephant loves Moo Moo Cow forever!haha sorry for spoiling ur surprise,but hey i rushed back okay,and i was sweating like a mad cow u know!and there u were laughing like crazy!haha aww anws really thanks for the present,the gift made me stun for awhile when i opened it.im looking forward to see my family nxt week!u made me feel guilty sometimes for bullying u:(okay i'll let u bite me okay?fair?hahha thank you so so so much,love you lots!

Thank you guiying,rosabel,audrey and sihui for the gift!haha u girls know i really love adidas right!hahah thanks!love u all!:)
thank you for always being there for me when im down or needed guidance throughout the years in sch and i swear i really do miss sch and the times where we all have chinese banding and classes at different places,i miss sitting beside all of u and i miss bullying laoshi with gy n bel and i miss audrey asking me to "keep quiet leh"during lessons,and sihui playing tap tap with me during recess:(i miss all those times in school,and thks for the dinner,although the surprise wasnt carried out,but still its the thoughts that counts right!

and thanks to those who wished me.there are too many to be named,thank you so so much.

and lastly..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF AND QUACK QUACK!

FINALLY 18.